Dialogues between Survivors and Caregivers – Looking Toward the Future

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After childhood cancer, the way you look at the future can change profoundly.

For a long time, I did not really have a plan. Like many teenagers, I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. But there was also something else: fatigue, the consequences of the illness, and the absence of a clear dream or goal. When nothing truly drives you, it becomes difficult to move forward.

Over time, I realized that I needed something that would make me want to get up in the morning. For me, this developed gradually. Traveling played an important role. Discovering other places and cultures opened new perspectives for me. My partner also motivates me, more or less directly, to get up and live my life fully. Little by little, my relationship with the future has changed.

Today, I feel rather optimistic, but also realistic. I am aware that time is not infinite. After illness, you understand very early that it can be fragile. This does not make me live in fear, but rather encourages me to try not to waste it.

There is still one thought that sometimes comes back. I wonder what my body and my physical condition will be like when I am forty, fifty, or sixty years old. Sometimes I fear that I might age faster than average.

I would like to be that ninety-year-old man who still walks every day with his wife. But I am not sure I completely believe it.

Yet this uncertainty does not stop me from moving forward. On the contrary, it reminds me of the importance of living now, staying healthy for as long as possible, and enjoying what life has to offer.

Looking toward the future after childhood cancer is not always simple. But you have to learn to keep moving forward, while maintaining the desire to build something. The future may not be entirely predictable, but it remains open.

Arthur Kayser – a French survivor

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Arthur’s testimony highlights how profoundly one’s relationship to the future can be transformed after experiencing cancer in childhood.

We understand that this is not merely a matter of choices or plans, as is common for many adolescents; it runs deeper than that. Rather, it concerns what the illness leaves behind: persistent fatigue, bodies that still bear its marks, memories and emotions that linger. When nothing truly propels one forward, when momentum feels hesitant or suspended, it becomes difficult to envision the future.

Added to this is a subtle yet particularly demanding psychological transition: moving from “surviving” to “living.” After mobilizing all one’s energy to get through the illness, it can be disorienting to be faced with the expectation to move forward, to build, and to project oneself into the future. This stage deserves support and recognition in all its complexity.

Questions surrounding the body and aging are also highly significant. Being able to imagine a future implies trusting one’s body, experiencing it as a source of support. When it has been tested and weakened, it is both common and natural for doubts to arise.

This testimony also illustrates how the perception of time can be profoundly disrupted, particularly by early confrontation with illness, and sometimes with the possibility of death. In psychology, this is referred to as a disruption of temporality following a traumatic experience: the future may become more uncertain, more fragile, and at the same time more precious. From this process emerges a deeply human tension between the desire to live fully and the awareness of one’s limits, between the urge to move forward and persistent doubts. This ambivalence is not an obstacle; it is part of the journey and accompanies the movement toward the future.

Certain experiences (such as travel or encounters with others) can support this gradual reopening toward the future. Sometimes, it is not a clearly defined plan that enables progress, but rather immediate and tangible supports: a relationship, a curiosity, an experience that restores a sense of movement. Human connections can sustain the journey even before a life project is clearly defined.

Reflections on the future, time, and the body are common among individuals who have experienced cancer in childhood, and they may evolve over time (as Arthur’s experience shows). Being able to express them, whether with professionals or loved ones, is already a valuable step: a space where these thoughts can be heard, shared, and supported.

Finally, it may be helpful to remember that the future is never entirely predictable. This may also be what gives it its richness. It is not always about having a clear plan, but about allowing oneself to move forward from what is present: the here and now, experiences that open new perspectives, and relationships that provide support. The future can be a source of anxiety and doubt, but it can also be filled with possibilities and small moments that bring a taste for life.

Louise Hinckel – Psychologist, Long-Term Follow-Up Team – Angers University Hospital (CHU d’Angers), France

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Looking toward the future is often part of moving forward. At the same time, taking time to reflect on what you have been through can also be helpful. For some people, if these experiences are not processed, they may resurface later, especially in times of stress. For some people, if these experiences are not processed, they may experience posttraumatic symptoms later in life if new stressful situations appear.

Understanding your current feelings can become easier after putting them into context with all what you have gone through during the time of illness and all treatments. Much depends of course on the age when you fell ill, but even young children do have memories of what they have gone through during their cancer journey and when growing older, some flashbacks may start appearing. It can be helpful to explore whether certain feelings or reactions may be connected to these past experiences. That understanding may support coping and help people move forward, as Arthur describes.

Coping with uncertainties is something many survivors do not have to face alone.

Coping with uncertainties also is something that survivors may get professional help from the health care personnel if needed. When needed, support from healthcare professionals can help make sense of these experiences. Over time, some people develop their own ways of managing symptoms or late effects. Learning to listen to one’s body, and gradually accepting it as it is, can be part of this process — helping to find a new balance and move forward.

As Arthur says, support from the near ones is one corner stone on your future journey. But keep in mind that there are healthcare professionals who also can support you. Sharing concerns and asking questions can sometimes make things feel more manageable.

New hobbies and interests may also be found via the groups built up e.g. via the national cancer associations or other local actors. By attending these, you may find persons who have gone through similar experiences. They understand how it e.g. may be difficult to have contacts with age-mates as you feel different or older than them because of your own experiences during going through a life-threatening situation in the past.

Arthur says, many survivors gradually find their own way to keep moving forward, while maintaining the desire to build something. The future may not be entirely predictable, but it remains open.

Päivi Lähteenmäki – Pediatric hemato-oncologist, Finland

Read more articles from the Healing in Two Voices series